friends are forever.. or not

Friends are forever, they used to tell us when we were growing up. But the harsh truth of life is that sometimes, friends outgrow you or you outgrow them. It could be because of various reasons, change of location, change of status ( getting married, divored or widowed affects people), change of heart .. in nutshell, changes and situations that leads to the changes..  

We meet so many individuals in life; among them, we instantly gel with some. You feel that you are in the same wavelength, the vibes are right, the aura is good! And then there are some, who always manage to push the wrong buttons and you wish that in no way ever to cross path with them. However, you always do, and once you let go of your judgements towards that certain person, you open up to possibilities and see what lies beyond, you form strong friendship.

I was trying to understand a strange situation I found myself in. I was looking for answers, and of course what do we do..? Right...search for answers within ourself, be plagued with questions on your motives, our thoughts, ' Am I the one who is toxic?" " Am I the one who is hoarding my inner frustration and anger on ther friend or is it opposite way around?" " Do I contribute to bring any sort of negativity into my friend's life?" and yes the final 'google search' which led me to many links. From papers written by researchers and psychologists to soppy poems and images. I also found out that at certain stage friendship can become toxic, the reason could be either you or your 'friend'. And that there are three main reasons that you choose to be friends with someone; utility, entertainment and virtue.

When you decide that certain someone has useful tools, resources that you can make use of and become friends with them, thats utility. You are using that person who is your friend. When you do it in order to pass your time, get out of your boring routine, etc you make a friend just to entertain you; to inject some 'fun' in your life. Friendship built on basis of the above two will never last long, because there is only a certain limit to which your needs/ expectations can get fulfilled from someone else.

Now, when you know someone and decide to be friends with them because there is a certain character or habit of the person that you like, that is friendship based on virtue. You are focusing here on the 'person' and not what the person has or could do for you. That is where strong bond forms.

In past, I never felt that power plays is a part of friendship. But now-a-days, I can clearly see it, we cannot be friends when we are not equal with the other person. Personal difference do not count as much as equality as in the terms of control, mutual respect and personal identity. You can be friends with someone who has different thinking, taste in clothes, food and way of life. But I think it is difficult to be friends with someone who always tries to overpower, control and constantly judges your actions.

Albert Camus, has put it rightly. "Don't walk in front of me, I may not follow. Don't walk behind me, I may not lead. Walk beside me and be my friend." 

I do not mean nor expect that things are always to be sweet and easy. It is not possible. Human nature is very complex, something will always rise up. As an individual, you are constantly growing. This growth demands that you challenge your own thoughts, your way of living and your surrounding. And at times, you will find yourself at a road that forks and you have to part ways with some people you have loved and cherished, the journey ahead seems daunting.

No matter what the reason is, it is alway like a heartbreak when you realise that time has changed that old friend to someone you hardly recongise. I think it is similar to the moment when you realise that your baby brother has grown up into a self assured, slow talker, man! Or when your once baby cousins ask you for ' Privacy please!" But I believe this is the nature of life. It is a continouous journey and bittersweet learning process.So, for now, I will put my chin up and walk the walk.

But the child in me, who believes in signs and 'Friendship is Forever' will always wish that road will once again merge and I will meet them again in the state where our hearts were as one and we lived like we ruled life and time, not the other way around..