Saturday, April 23, 2011

let them flow

The wine bottle was popped open and crysal glasses were filled. Had a good company of friends and the words started flowing. Books were dissected, writers examined, philosophies and world history cross checked. We conversed about kings and queens, Jesus meeting Buddha somewhere in the northern part of Indian subcontinent, matters of hearts and life, Def Leppards and personal philosophies, beliefs. The music flowed with conversations, we shared food for body as well as mind. Oh! It made me realise how much I had missed such intellectual stimulating conversations!

Someone come and talk to me about poems and poets, about art and artists, philosophers and their philosophies, universe out there and universe inside.. here... I know you are out there, I know there are more people, weird, defiant, daydreamers, nerdy souls, word lovers.. Come and talk to me, even if a while and even if in lengths of time.. I am hungry for knowledge, I am thirsty for answers and may be together we can cross the realm of what is and what is not and perhaps someday find a place where everything 'be'...

I admit I have to learn a lot, and I might be able to contribute little on the talking part, but I can listen. I am a good listener, I can open up my heart and let you pour your thoughts into it. I thirst for such companions, my strange and weird friends who have all now grown up and become 'levelheaded and matured' I miss your crappy talks where we tried to make heads and tails of this world and ourselves. Then there were no walls between people, then we had this naivety which made us have faith even on a new found friend, we never questioned each others profession, age and motives. Then, when we could look into the eyes of each other and pass on a little bit of our souls, like breads around a dining table. We could feast on the pile of our souls, without having to fear that it might not be enough, that we would not have our fill..


Out here, it gets pretty darn tough to meet people without any walls. Everyone has a wall built around them, even I do, I learnt it with time. A lot of mistrust, judgemental thinking and generalisation runs here.  I think human souls need osmosis in regular basis to survive.. exchange of stories, feelings, thoughts.. learning from each other... But with these walls around, nothing gets exchanged. And soon you become a soul zombie, your view of the world gets narrower, you start to put people under catagories, friends become mere networking equipments... and I might go crazy.

I was talking to someone this last week and he admited that he felt the same when I said that people have glass walls around them here.. you see each other but the walls seal out any real form of communication. There are so many isolated single stories here. I have had my single stories about people as well, but I have learnt to shed them gracefully. He was one of them too. I had a thought that people from the other spectrum of living were different than us who lived under the shadows. But talking to him made me realise again what is a simple truth that we keep forgetting, no matter where we live, we share the same sky! We have our differences but we share similarities too. We love, we have our fears, we have our insecurities, we have our hopes... Among so many stereotyping about who is who, questions about morality of certain group of people, questions about their lifestyle.. I have learnt that it is essential to keep open mind when it comes to people, in order to avoid  the danger of falling into the traps of a narrow mind.

Here I remember Chimamanda Adiche, an African writer-ess, and her talk about how we form single stories about people and community. I can relate so much to what she says here. I have been having the mental shift she talks about as well.


These days have been strange, I watched an animaed movie Rango and what a feast it was to my senses. The weird imagery, walking cactus plants under the amorphous moonlight stirred something inside me. I know how they feel, forever walking towards water but finding none. But there was something else that stuck up a chord.

"A man can never escape his own story." says the imaginary friend the green lizard has. I have been feeling it too. " You are like a gypsy witch soul trapped inside those expensive business suits, you should shed some of those walls and open up to the universe in order to be more receptive of your true self." A friend had said. I have always known that, though it was temporarily forgotten. The seeds were always there, just that a thick layer of hot tar had been laid and the road was just a lifeless, cold, coarse asphalt, slithering like a black snake. Time has worked it's magic though. The seeds, the minutest form of life have decided to fight back and broken through the lifeless layer of black. It has cracked and new leaves have sprouted. Soon the whole path will be covered with green leaves and flowers of every hue and design that you can possibly imagine.


Now a days, I feel that I can expand and cover the universe in blink of an eye at times. I feel strong force pulling and pushing me towards a new direction. I find myself getting attracted to new things, experiences, I find it easier to embrace changes and accept what I have no power to change. It is like series of awakenings are happening every moment. I am getting in tune with the forces of life and nature. The way is a bit hazy but I have found that with faith even the unknown seems to shower you back with what your hearts truest desires are. Every day, I realise some part of me that was laying redundant like a forgotten memory. Things are stirring up slowly inside me, like a witch's broth.

 

I know, these business suits will have to go someday. This gypsy witch will pick up her broom, beat the dust off and fly across the purple sky.

Tuesday, April 19, 2011

point B - Sarah Kay


Someday, I am going to read this to my daughter too.. hopefully. Happy reading my Phantom Readers..

Point B- Sarah Kay

Instead of mom she’s gonna call me point B
Because that way she knows that no matter what happens,
at least she can always find her way to me.
And I’m gonna paint the solar system on the back of her hand
so that she has to know the entire universe before she can say
oh, I know that like the back of my hand.
She’s gonna learn that this life will hit you
Hard.
In the face.
Wait for you to get back up so it can kick you in the stomach.
But the wind knocked out of you is the only way
to remind your lungs how much they like the taste of air.
There is hurt here that cannot be fixed by bandaids or poetry
So the first time she realizes that wonderwoman isn’t coming,
I’ll make sure she doesn’t have to wear the cape all by herself
Cause no matter how wide you stretch your fingers,
your hands will always be too small to catch all the pain you want to heal.
Believe me , I’ve tried.
And baby, I’ll tell her.
Don’t keep your nose up in the air like that. I know that trick.
You’re just smelling for smoke,
so you can follow that trail back to a burning house,
so you can find the boy who lost everything in the fire
to see if you can save him
Or else find the boy who lit the fire in the first place
to see if you can change him
But I know that she will anyways so instead
I’ll always keep an extra supply of chocolate and rainboots nearby
because there’s no heartbreak chocolate can’t fix.
Okay there’s a few heartbreaks chocolate can’t fix.
But that’s what the rainboots are for,
because rain will wash away everything if you let it. ‘
I want her to see the world through the underside of a glass bottomed boat.
To look through a magnifying glass at the galaxies that exist
on the pinpoint of a human mind because that’s the way my mom taught me,
that there’ll be days like this
there’ll be days like this my momma said
When you open your hands to catch
and only wind up with blisters and bruises.
When you step out of the phonebooth and try to fly
and the very people you want to save are the ones standing on your cape.
When your boots will fill with rain
and you’ll be up to your knees in disappointment 
and those are the very days you have all the more reason to say thank you.
Cause there’s nothing more beautiful than the way the ocean refuses to
stop kissing the shoreline no matter how many times it’s sent away.
You will put the wind in win some lose some
you will put the star in starting over and over
 no matter how many land mines erupt in a minute
be sure your mind lands on the beauty of this funny place called life.
And yes, on a scale of one to trusting I am pretty f****ing nave.
 But I want her to know that this world is made out of sugar.
And sure, it can crumble so easily but don’t be afraid to
stick your tongue out and taste it.
And baby, I’ll tell her.
 Remember your mama is a worrier,
but your papa is a warrior and
 you are the girl with small hands and big eyes who never stops asking for more.
Remember that good things come in threes,
and so do bad things,
 and always apologize when you’ve done something wrong,
 but don’t ever apologize for the way your eyes refuse to stop shining
and your voice is small,
but don’t ever stop singing,
and when they finally hand you heartbreak,
 slip hatred and war under your doorstep
and hand you hand outs on streetcorners of cynicism and defeat
you tell them they really ought to meet your mother.

Much Love/
- The Warrior Poetess

Wednesday, April 13, 2011

"Life is not about waiting for the storm to pass, it's about learning to dance under the rain."


rain

I was born in the rainy season. Probably that is why I have a profound affinity with rain and water bodies. And this makes me sometimes hate the place I live in because it is a desert city. It seldom rains here and when it does, it pours. Roads turn into rivers in blink of an eye. However, on a day like today, I simply fall in love with this place all over again.
Right now, this city is like a thirsty pilgrim who has drank from a crystal clear pond in an oasis. She rests in bliss, under the shadows of bellowing clouds. And I, her denizen, slow down a bit, listen to Bach and enjoy a warm cuppa while my memory jogs down the lane to a black asphalt road that snakes through a village where the leaves in the forest lose the layer of dust and turn emerald green after the rains. I see bunch of kids dancing in the rain; their innocent soul picking up the vibration of music that flows through the air like magic. The grownups can’t hear it; their feet will not tap with the melody of pitter-pattering rain drops that’s hitting the tin roofs and muddy earth. They take cover and watch with wary eyes at those bare feet children. Worries of hookworm, cold, running nose, bad grades and dirty floors crowd their adult minds.
I would like to think rain falls for those children, lovers and the peacocks. Scientific reasons be damned. This is the perfect time. To cuddle under warm blanket and let heart take the reins or to throw back your worries and to follow the tune of your heart and the universe and do the soul dance. I think I will do just that! I know that tune; I was born with it in my veins. From water to water, I was born and I will dance under it, alone or not..
[dancing-in-the-rain2.jpg]
See you later my phantom readers! It’s your call to stay dry or get wet though.. J

 - The Warrior Princess

Sunday, April 10, 2011

update on 'The Book'- 4

Finally the exams are over... WOOO HOOO!!! I got my peace of mind back for another couple of weeks after which, again I will have to put on the hat of a juggler..

Anyways, lets leave this 'talk about me' here.. I am here to talk about 'The Book'.

I had not been able to visit the airport terminal due to my exams and overloaded work schedule ( we are understaffed you see). So, my dear phantom readers, I have decided to go to the airport this week. I promise, within this week... so that Mr. V get to move ahead from the airport waiting lounge he has been sitting in for past two weeks.

He is almost about to smash those ceiling high glass windows and dash towards the runway! Well that is what you might as well get tempted to do if you were stuck inside one space with throngs of people and not get out.. you see the moment remains hanging in eternity. It doesn't move. The lights do not go out, the people remain where they are, like a flash mob that lasts forever. It's almost like one of those nightmares from the movie ' Hell Raiser'.. You are stuck inside one scene for eternity..

Sorry, I am drifting here... Is it obvious that I am very very distracted today? I think it is the giddyness of freedom I am anticipating after weeks of submerged living between the lines.. I mean figuratively ( My bed is piled up with books, pens, papers, chewed pencils and empty packets of lays chips which I am going to have to clear out tonight as soon as I reach home from work..). Ah! I have lists of things planned up for a whole month or so to explore after that caveliving ... :)

Well, back to ' The Book' again.. Yes Mr. V is stuck at the airport terminal. But there are other plots forming in my mind parallel to that. I am visiting hills and forests in my sleep. Sometimes, I can almost smell the leaves and moss even in middle of this dried desert city. Ms. Y is taking me there. I am travelling with her through the dense forests and running up and down the silhouette of hills and mountains. I am seeking the meaning of her existence along with her. Sometimes, I can almost hear her voice murmuring songs, and sometimes I hear her roar with the anger that runs in her blood. I know she is angry and finally putting the pieces of puzzle of her life together.

Let's see how the bigger picture looks like...  in time.

:)

With Love
- The Warrior Poetess

Friday, April 8, 2011

flowing south


I was named after one of the two rivers in my country that flows the other way. While rest of the rivers flow from south to north, these two rivers due to some strange geographical arrangements flow from south to north. Later in school days, one of my teachers didn't buy this truth ( he had lived overseas his entire life before) so he changed my spelling. Yes, where I grew up, schools ran for 8 hours and teachers had veto when it came to changing names of their pupils if they felt it was the right thing to do.

So, I was no longer the river that flowed from south to north, but something that connoted a flower! "Great!" I thought, at fourteen I felt it was better to be a flower than a strange river. And I was already a 'strange enough  kid' so change of name was more than welcomed. My father had a fit though when I took the report cards home and he saw that the name he so lovingly gave me was mutilated. But it was too late to do anything, my name was already officially registered in the education system.

Later there would be a phase where a set of people still called me by my old name and another set of people who would call me by the new, flowery name. Still further down the line, there will be another mishap where the people at passport division would rename me again! So, since my birth I got three different names and a paper with many colourful stamps from all concerned government departments confirming that all three person of such, such and such names are the same.

When I think about it, I know the name that my father kept is the most suitable one for me. I can relate to it now, though I hated it when I had to explain what it meant to people all the time. I still do not understand why people ask what the meanings of a person's name is? It is not that you can predict anything with it! People are born to the names somebody has already thought/decided for them, except for cases where one chooses a name change later in life.

The other day, while I was waiting for the train, I caught a reflection of mysef on the glass separator. my reflection became prominent in my mind. It seemed to ask me, what if I was named something else, some other flower, or river, or thing! Would that have made any different impact on my life? What does this name hold for me? Then I felt this strong urge to burst out of my skin and transpire... not even evaporate.. but just jump the mid stage of change and become a part of ether. I wish to be more than a mere name and I have nothing but this name to hold on to as an identity.

I was going through some images and came across one of dark skinned fishermen, who seemed to be flying over the sea waves. And that instant, I wanted to be the fisherman who sat ever so patiently on one bamboo stalk bracing the incoming wave as he waited for a fish to take a bait. I wanted to be that bamboo stalk that held the fisherman ever so patiently against the force of gravity and motion. I wanted to be that wave, that fish, those sand particles... I wanted to be everything and nothing!

I have never believed in rat race that plagues the modern soul. The need to prove that you are better than the rest. What for? Why? Each soul is individual and unique piece of a gigantic mosiac of life that is infinitly small in comparison to the giant of the universe that houses it. And if there ever is a need for race, let it be with one's own. Self actualisation comes on the top tier of modern economist's theories, whereas it should come right after the basic needs. If this change were to happen even in the tiniest fraction of humanity, the world would see drastic changes.

However, we, human are in my opinion becoming more out of tune with our own universe. The advancement of science has made us proud to the borderline of being arrogant. we think we can harness the wind so we can harness power of nature, we can laser gun meteores out of existence before it even hits the outer of our stratrosphere, we can create clones, we can revive stopped hearts. We have become almost blinded with all our human achievements that we have stopped listening to natures signs. We no longer stop to hear the music of wind, when was the last time you stopped what you were doing and gazed at the sky to marvel at the universe, count stars, name shapes in the clouds? When have you smiled at a stranger without expecting a smile back?

We talk through our life like we are travelling in the subway these days. We do not even make eye contact let alone talk to strangers. We do not wish to sing out of tune and make absurd music with whatever we have in our hands when we want to make music.  We live in fear. We facebook each other rather than write hand written letters ( which reminds me that I have decided to start writting letters to a friend, we are going to go back to the blotchy papers and ink pens, licking stamps and anticipating answers, excercising our imagination on endless possibilities the folded paper would hold inside it).

I am not a technology hater, I just wish we were more connected in other ways than the energy comsuming, eye sight destroying plasma screens and electronic medium which transforms human emotions into mere bytes. That we could break new grounds in stem cell research and yet not forget to understand the importance of simplicity of nature. Let science explore new frontiers, and still let our human soul have faith in something more than number crunchers and formulas alone. Let us not lose touch with our more intutive side, the one that nurturs, wonders and marvels.

When I sometimes talk like this, I get odd looks. But what can you expect?  I have my eccentricities, I have my passions. I am someone who can live a pauper life, but not a life that lacks inspiration. I am the river that flows south... I am like this.

Monday, April 4, 2011

friends are forever.. or not

Friends are forever, they used to tell us when we were growing up. But the harsh truth of life is that sometimes, friends outgrow you or you outgrow them. It could be because of various reasons, change of location, change of status ( getting married, divored or widowed affects people), change of heart .. in nutshell, changes and situations that leads to the changes..  

We meet so many individuals in life; among them, we instantly gel with some. You feel that you are in the same wavelength, the vibes are right, the aura is good! And then there are some, who always manage to push the wrong buttons and you wish that in no way ever to cross path with them. However, you always do, and once you let go of your judgements towards that certain person, you open up to possibilities and see what lies beyond, you form strong friendship.

I was trying to understand a strange situation I found myself in. I was looking for answers, and of course what do we do..? Right...search for answers within ourself, be plagued with questions on your motives, our thoughts, ' Am I the one who is toxic?" " Am I the one who is hoarding my inner frustration and anger on ther friend or is it opposite way around?" " Do I contribute to bring any sort of negativity into my friend's life?" and yes the final 'google search' which led me to many links. From papers written by researchers and psychologists to soppy poems and images. I also found out that at certain stage friendship can become toxic, the reason could be either you or your 'friend'. And that there are three main reasons that you choose to be friends with someone; utility, entertainment and virtue.


When you decide that certain someone has useful tools, resources that you can make use of and become friends with them, thats utility. You are using that person who is your friend. When you do it in order to pass your time, get out of your boring routine, etc you make a friend just to entertain you; to inject some 'fun' in your life. Friendship built on basis of the above two will never last long, because there is only a certain limit to which your needs/ expectations can get fulfilled from someone else.

Now, when you know someone and decide to be friends with them because there is a certain character or habit of the person that you like, that is friendship based on virtue. You are focusing here on the 'person' and not what the person has or could do for you. That is where strong bond forms.

In past, I never felt that power plays is a part of friendship. But now-a-days, I can clearly see it, we cannot be friends when we are not equal with the other person. Personal difference do not count as much as equality as in the terms of control, mutual respect and personal identity. You can be friends with someone who has different thinking, taste in clothes, food and way of life. But I think it is difficult to be friends with someone who always tries to overpower, control and constantly judges your actions.

Albert Camus, has put it rightly. "Don't walk in front of me, I may not follow. Don't walk behind me, I may not lead. Walk beside me and be my friend." 

I do not mean nor expect that things are always to be sweet and easy. It is not possible. Human nature is very complex, something will always rise up. As an individual, you are constantly growing. This growth demands that you challenge your own thoughts, your way of living and your surrounding. And at times, you will find yourself at a road that forks and you have to part ways with some people you have loved and cherished, the journey ahead seems daunting.

No matter what the reason is, it is alway like a heartbreak when you realise that time has changed that old friend to someone you hardly recongise. I think it is similar to the moment when you realise that your baby brother has grown up into a self assured, slow talker, man! Or when your once baby cousins ask you for ' Privacy please!" But I believe this is the nature of life. It is a continouous journey and bittersweet learning process.So, for now, I will put my chin up and walk the walk.

But the child in me, who believes in signs and 'Friendship is Forever' will always wish that road will once again merge and I will meet them again in the state where our hearts were as one and we lived like we ruled life and time, not the other way around..
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